


Kriff Your Chicken Strips

by Spotted_Newt



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: We ESPECIALLY love clones AND vines, We love clones, We love vines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26779882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spotted_Newt/pseuds/Spotted_Newt
Summary: A collection of oneshots inspired by Vines.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Kriff Your Chicken Strips

“Nuggets are bite sized! They’re more fun, and perfect for a clone on the go.”

“But strips are more satisfying. There’s better meat-to-breading ratio.”

Cody entered the mess hall to find a crowd of troopers in what appeared to be some kind of heated debate. Between them were two trays, one with chicken nuggets and the other with chicken strips.

“Commander,” one of the shinies greeted him, straightening to give him a salute.

“At ease,” Cody said, “what’s going on here?”

“We’re discussing the proper form of chicken, sir. Is it better in nuggets, or strips?”

“Does it matter?”

“It absolutely matters!” Waxer exclaimed. “Nuggets are much better.”

“They are not,” Boil argued, “strips are a more tender part of the meat.”

“So? Nuggets are better for dipping.”

The argument continued, troopers from both sides of the debate arguing passionately for their preferred form of chicken, ignoring Cody’s exasperated look.

“But strips-”

Hands slammed down on the table. “ _Kriff_ your chicken strips!”

All eyes turned to their commander, a stunned silence falling over the group. Cody, having gotten their attention, simply smirked.

“Chicken _wings_ are superior.”

The troopers rioted.


	2. It's an Avocado... Thanks...

Cody wandered through the market, glancing over the myriad of items piled high on stands, waiting to be sold. The 212th had a day of shore leave, and while many of the men had gone to seek out cantinas for some fun, Cody preferred to see what the planet had to offer in other areas. The market was fairly busy, and no one seemed the least bit bothered by a clone walking among them. 

The Commander didn’t have much for credits, and didn’t have anywhere to keep any knicknacks anyway, but he did want to find something. He was thinking of buying a gift for the General. He had been wary of the man at first, knowing that he could send any of Cody’s  _ vode _ to be decommissioned on a whim, but Obi-Wan Kenobi had quickly proven that he was trustworthy and loyal and cared about his men as much as Cody did. He had certainly risked his own skin to save theirs on numerous occasions. Cody thought that a small gift might be a good way to show his appreciation.

He paused at a stand that was piled high with tins of tea. The General drank his tea as often as Cody drank caf, and if the standard mess tea was anything like the caf it wasn’t good in the slightest. He figured the Jedi would appreciate something a bit more sophisticated. 

“Hey! You there!” 

Cody looked up. A Toydarian at the neighboring stand was giving him a look that Cody couldn’t quite place. 

“Yes, you! Come here.”

“Can I help you, sir?” Cody put down the tin he had been looking at and walked over to the stand the Toydarian was hovering behind. It was littered with strange looking objects that Cody couldn’t figure out a purpose for. 

“No no, but I think I can help you.” The Toydarian smiled, arching an eyebrow. “You’re looking for a gift, aren’t you? Something for a special someone, perhaps?”

Cody coughed. “Um, just a friend. But yes, I am looking for a gift.”

“Mm if you say so. I’m sure I have just the thing. Tell me about this…  _ friend _ of yours.” 

“He’s a good man, kind hearted, loyal. He saved my brother’s life, and I was hoping to find something to thank him.”

“Oh ho! A thank you gift! Yes, I see it now. This boyfriend, is he one for glitz and glamor, or is he more of an earthy fellow?”

“Friend,” Cody corrected again, heat rising along his neck. 

The Toydarian simply smirked like he didn’t believe it, which seemed to make the clone’s blush worse. Cody thanked whatever higher power there may be that his formal greys hid his neck. 

“He’s more earthy, I think. Although, he is a bit theatrical at times.” He thought of the times he had watched Kenobi negotiate, putting on a show to stall for time or smooth talking a royal. 

“Ah, earthy AND theatrical. Yes, I have the perfect thing.” The blue being turned and ruffled through some crates of things behind the stand. When he turned back to Cody, he held an oblong green object, which he offered up to the clone. 

Cody took it, turning it over in his hands. “Is this… an avocado?”

“No no, not an avocado my friend, though I see why you would think that. This is a very rare and precious fruit indeed. Well, not too rare, or else I wouldn’t be selling it, hm? But it is rare enough to be special. This is a Gifting Fruit. Grown in the royal gardens of Stewjon, it is a fruit grown for the specific purpose of giving as a gift. It is traditional to give a Gifting Fruit to a friend when they have done something great for you, such as saving one’s family members. They come in many colors, green like the one you’re holding, and I also have gold ones here, though I think that would be too flashy for your friend. And a bit too forward, since you insist he is only a friend. Gold is really more for lovers. But green, green is for friends. In fact, the green  _ means _ friendship. Isn’t that neat? A language in the colors of the fruits’ skin. Green is for friendship, and for respecting another’s strengths, and for thanks. Perfect for your friend, no?”

Cody rolled the Gifting Fruit in his palms, and ran his fingers over its rough skin. “You said it comes from Stewjon?”

“Indeed it does.”

“He’s from Stewjon,” Cody commented. 

“Is that so? Well, then he will know all about the Gifting Fruit! I’m sure he would much appreciate it.”

Cody thought it over. Tea was a safe bet. But a Stewjoni Gifting Fruit, one that communicated friendship, respect, and thanks? It seemed to convey all the sentiments that Cody intended in his gift. Maybe the ‘friendship’ piece was a bit casual, but he did like to think of himself and the General as being friends. And he thought the other man might appreciate something from his home planet.

“How much is it?” He asked.

“Oh not too much, not too much. Thirty credits is fair I think.”

Cody sucked in a breath. “Thirty?” That was a lot of credits for a fruit. 

“Well it is a rare fruit, remember. But I see that look. How about twenty, hm? Is twenty good for you?”

Twenty was still a lot. But Cody supposed that he could spend twenty credits on a Gifting Fruit if it would make Kenobi happy. 

Cody paid for the fruit and the vendor offered to gift wrap it for free. Sure, why not. It was a gift, after all. 

Later that evening, when all the men had returned to the ship, Cody found Kenobi in the mess drinking a mug of tea and looking over reports on a datapad. 

“Sir,” he greeted, getting his own mug of caf and walking over. 

“Commander,” the Jedi greeted warmly, smiling at the clone. “Here, why don’t you sit?”

“Thank you, sir.” Cody slid into the seat across from him. 

They drank their respective drinks in comfortable silence for a few minutes. When his mug was about half empty, Cody cleared his throat. Obi-Wan looked up curiously. 

“I… got you a gift, sir.” Cody placed the wrapped fruit on the table between them, and Obi-Wan set his datapad aside to pick it up. “I wanted to say thank you, for protecting my brothers.”

The soft expression on the General’s face made Cody’s stomach do interesting things. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all. I am honored to have the privilege of protecting you and your men.”

He gently undid the wrapping, letting it fall to the table. When the fruit was fully unwrapped, he blinked at it. 

“It’s an avocado,” Obi-Wan said. He looked at Cody, a small puzzled crease between his brows. When Cody made no move to explain, the Jedi quickly smoothed his features into a look of kind gratitude. “Thanks.”

Cody looked at the object in Kenobi’s hands, then up at Kenobi’s face (there was still confusion in his eyes, even as he quirked his lips up into a smile), and then back at the fruit. 

The Commander once again felt heat rush to his face. It  _ was _ just an avocado. That blasted vendor had tricked him. 

“I..” Cody didn’t know what to say for himself. 

His expression must have said a lot, because Obi-Wan burst out laughing. “Oh dear, did one of those tricky vendors convince you it was something else?”

Cody sighed, leaning his elbows on the table and placing his face in his palms to hide the deepening blush. “Yes, sir. He told me it was a Stewjoni Gifting Fruit.” 

Obi-Wan laughed again, and Cody decided that even though he was thoroughly mortified, maybe that sound was worth it. 

“Oh dear. Well, I suppose we can pretend it is a Gifting Fruit, even though I am fairly certain there is no such thing. Thank you very much, Cody.”

“You’re welcome, sir,” Cody grunted, still hiding his face. 

Obi-Wan stood and gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “I must be going. Try not to mope too long. It’s a funny story, even if it is not the gift you intended.”

Cody grunted again. He heard the General’s footsteps fade away out of the mess and down the hall. Only then did he lift his head to glare at the scrap of wrapping paper that Kenobi had left on the table. 

Blasted vendors. 


	3. I'm on my bed, you can't kill me

“FIVES!”

Fives' eyes went wide. “I think it worked.”

Echo and Jesse gave him sympathetic pats on the shoulder. “It was nice knowing you.”

“Better hide, _vod_.”

Fives dropped from his seat and slid under the table. The others shifted to conceal him. 

Rex marched into the mess. The look on his face as he glared around the hall was furious enough that it could have made a shiny drop dead on the spot. The effect was only marginally lessened by the fact that his hair was bright pink.

“Where’s Fives?”

Silence. Not a single trooper spoke, though many pressed their fists to their mouths or lifted datapads in front of their faces to hide their laughter at the sight of Rex’s hair. 

Rex’s eyes landed on Echo and the men at his table. “Echo?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Where’s Fives?”

“I haven’t seen him, sir.”

“Don’t you lie to me,” Rex growled. He stepped over and grabbed a fistful of Echo’s shirt, lifting him up a few inches. “Where. Is. Fives.”

Echo gulped. “Run!”

Fives bolted from under the table, scrambling up to his feet and dashing out of the mess. Rex threw Echo back into his seat and ran after him. 

“You ready to kriffing _die_?” Rex bellowed.

Fives skidded around a corner, almost knocked over a shiny, and dashed through the door to the barracks. He dove onto his cot, yanking his legs up and spinning to face Rex. 

“I’m on my bed,” he panted, “you can’t kill me.”

“Oh yeah?”

“He’s right, sir,” Tup said, from where he was sitting reading a datapad. “Cots are safe zones.”

“Says _who_?”

“It’s the Rules, sir.”

The other troopers scattered around the barracks murmured their agreement. 

Rex glared at all of them, and they quickly shut their mouths. 

“Fine,” he growled, “I won’t murder you in your bed. But the second your feet touch the floor, you best be ready for a whooping.”

Fives offered a mock salute that only earned him another glare. “If it’s any consolation, it’s temporary. It’ll wash out within a week.”

“Kriff you, Fives.”


End file.
